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Old 02-09-2006, 08:27 AM   #16
StonyLonesome
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I am sorry chapter seven has been delayed, but it is almost finished, so there is no need to worry anymore. This chapter was a bit complicated to write and to make it even more delayed than planned, I left my house for a few days for unexpected reasons and I never had a chance to work on it for almost a week. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I have some good news to cheer us up. Since Kelli's horse, Sunfire is supposed to like Epona's Song (Kelli knows it from Malon), I decided to put lyrics in the song for the horse because her name fits the notes, just like the name Epona does. And the lyrics sort of correspond to the Epona ones. See here:

Sunfire Lyrics:

Sunfire, Sunfire
You're a friend to me

Sunfire, You're pretty
Pretty as can be

Epona Lyrics:

Epona, Epona
Growing up with me

Epona, You are here
Growing up safely

These Lyrics only go with the six main notes of the music, you know, the ones that go Up C, Left C, Right C, Up C, Left C, Right C on OoT/MM. You see how the Lyrics sort of correspond though? I don't exactly like the lyrics to Epona's Song that much, but I sing them a lot anyway just because I'm a great singer and this is my best tune. Like the lyrics I created?
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:29 AM   #17
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I know I'm double posting again, but surprise! Chapter seven is here! I'm sorry it was delayed though.

Chapter Seven: The Underground Fire Dungeon

Inside the Death Mountain Crater, Link noticed both rope bridges that were on either side of the entrance to Goron City were completely out. That meant he would have to use the Longshot to get across them. After Link got out the Longshot and crossed the bridge that led to the Fire Temple, he took a look around the crater for anything suspicious. Then he remembered Kelli’s sword and shield. He then took out the Ocarina of Time and played Kelli’s Song. Her voice soon filled the air.
“Oh Link, I just finished destroying a monster”, Kelli said. “What’s the matter?”
“Well, I wanted to ask you about your sword and shield, but there’s something else I want to ask you first”, Link replied. “I saw you attack that monster. That move was amazing! How in Hyrule did you do that?”
“Oh that’s easy. It’s a form of the parry attack”, Kelli explained. “The parry can be done in all kinds of ways”.
“The parry? That sounds familiar. I think I may have heard something about that before I left Termina”, Link said. “Could you teach me how to do that some time?”
“Sure. That skill should come in handy anyway”, Kelli replied. “So what did you want to ask me about my sword and shield?”
“I saw the design on the sword’s hilt and on the shield. The design looks very familiar to me, but I can’t quite place it”, Link said. “Could you tell me about it?”
“Sure, Link. This should help you anyway”, Kelli replied. “Now remember when I said I controlled the power of the sun?”
“Yeah”.
“Well, the sword I wield is the legendary Sun Sword. And my shield, which was made to go with it, is the Sun Shield”, Kelli began. “The Sun Sword, also called the Blade of the Sun, chooses its wielder just as the Master Sword does”.
“Blade of the Sun, huh? That makes sense. The Master Sword is also called the Blade of evil’s bane”, Link replied. Kelli went on.
“Whoever wields this sacred sword becomes the Guardian of the Sun. And that’s who I am. All of this also applies to the Moon Sword. Also called the Blade of the Moon, it chooses its wielder and the wielder is the Guardian of the Moon”, she explained. “When I was ten years old, I found the Sun Sword and shield deep within a cave near Kakariko”.
“Wow, that’s interesting. But that still doesn’t tell me where I’ve seen that design”, Link said.
“Long ago, the sword and shield were made by some Gerudos and they used a spirit symbol”, Kelli replied. Link suddenly remembered where he’d seen the design before.
“Now I recognize that design! It looks like a sun switch in the Spirit Temple!”, he gasped. Link had been away for so long, he forgot little details like this.
“Exactly. Legend has it that the Guardians of the Sun and Moon have to be related by blood. If you are to become the next Guardian of the Moon, I don’t see how we could be related”, Kelli stated. “I’ve always believed this was just an untrue legend”.
“I agree. I don’t think that legend could be true either”, Link added. “Well, thanks for explaining all this to me”.
“No problem”, Kelli replied. Her voice vanished.
Link started looking around the crater. He ran over near the warp pad to get a better view of the crater. Unable to see anything strange, he decided to use the Lens of Truth to see if the entrance to the next dungeon was behind a hidden wall or pit. Once he looked at the climbing wall near the Great Fairy Fountain, he noticed a hidden doorway behind a small opening cut into the wall. Wanting to check it out, Link quickly made his way back across the broken bridge, used the Longshot to get across the other broken bridge, and climbed the ladder to the top of the climbing wall. Once there, he carefully climbed down the wall to the opening and entered through the doorway. It was indeed the entrance to the Underground Fire Dungeon.
Once inside, Link took a look around the main room of the dungeon. He noticed that just as the Underground Forest Dungeon resembled the Forest Temple, this dungeon resembled the Fire Temple.
“Navi, I just had a thought. I think all the dungeons are going to look like their parallels”, Link stated. “Meaning the next dungeon will look like the Water Temple and the one after that will look like the Shadow Temple and so on”.
“I think you’re right”, Navi replied. “I also think we’ll be meeting some old enemies again”. Link nodded. He really wasn’t comfortable with the idea of meeting the same enemies that were in the Fire Temple, though.
Link started scrutinizing the room for a door or two. The room had a lot of lava so he had to jump from platform to platform.
“Gee, will you look at the size of this room”, Link said. “It could take us forever to find even one door in here”. The room seemed to be bigger than the biggest room in the Fire Temple, which was the room that had the long rope bridge in it.
“You aren’t kidding!”, Navi put in. About five minutes later, Link found a door at the other end of the room and entered. Once Link saw what was in the room, he smacked his forehead. There was a group of Torch Slugs roaming around the room.
“Oh great. Not the Torch Slugs again”, Link said. Them, I could stand in the least!” Torch Slugs were one of Link’s least favorite enemies. They appeared so much in the Fire Temple and he couldn’t stand having to kill them so much. It just annoyed him.
“No wonder you sounded like you didn’t like the idea of meeting old enemies”, Navi added as Link killed the Torch Slugs, using the Spin Attack to make it quick. Then they entered the next chamber.
In the next room, there was more lava and platforms with Fire Keese flying above. To his right, Link noticed a rusted switch that he knew he had to activate with the Megaton Hammer. He got it out and smacked the switch. As it activated, a big treasure chest appeared on the farthest platform. Thinking it was the map, Link jumped his way to the chest and opened it. It was indeed the map. As Link looked at it, he put a surprised look on his face.
“Whoa, this dungeon is huge”, he stated. “Look at all those chambers, and there’s only three floors”.
“I guess this dungeon is going to take longer than we thought”, Navi put in. They continued through the dungeon. Although he was getting to each room just fine, Link had a tough time doing what was to be done in each room. Four times he and Navi met up with one of Death Mountain’s unique enemies, called the Flaredancer. After the second Flaredancer’s defeat, Link got the compass. The Flaredancer was an enemy Link didn’t mind. They weren’t that hard to defeat, as long as the Flaredancer doesn’t start going in circles around the room before Link throws a bomb at it or smacks it with the Megaton Hammer. Then it gets complicated.
After going through ten more rooms after getting the compass, Link finally reached the room with the Boss Key. Once he opened the yellow and blue chest that held it, he looked at the map to see where the door to the boss room was.
“According to the map, the door to the boss room is in the next chamber, Navi”, Link stated.
“Let’s go then”, Navi replied. They entered the room.
Inside the room, there were statues situated around the room and there was a long corridor with bars in front of it, the door to the boss room being at the other end of the corridor. Link thought there might be a switch under one of the statues, so he smashed each one. There was an eye switch behind the fifth one he destroyed so he shot an arrow at it and it activated, making the bars on the corridor rise. He ran down the corridor and entered the boss room.
Inside the boss room, there was a big platform with lava surrounding it, but it looked different from the one in the Fire Temple, where Volvagia the dragon once resided. Just after Link jumped on the platform, flames suddenly rose from the edges. Link was startled. Seconds later, a monster-sized, flying unicorn with a flaming horn, mane, and tail and orange eyes landed with a loud thud on the floor. It reared back on its hind legs and neighed a ferocious neigh and then breathed fire. Then it flew back up into the air. Link just stood there, freaked out. A fire-breathing unicorn that flies is sure a different creature.
“This isn’t good, Link!”, Navi warned.
“What kind of monster is that?”, Link asked, watching the unicorn fly above.
“That’s Melain, the Winged Flame Unicorn”, Navi replied. “She’s a sun monster!”
“How am I supposed to defeat her?”, Link asked another question.
“When she comes back down to use her flamethrower attack on you, dodge it and shoot her with a Sun Arrow and she’ll be stunned. Slice her with your sword then”, Navi answered. “When you get to the slicing part, I recommend you go for her hind legs. That’s where the most damage is inflicted on her”. Link nodded.
Seconds later, Melain landed in front of Link and breathed fire towards him. Link rolled out of the way, dodging the flames. He fired a Sun Arrow at Melain and it stunned her. Link quickly ran around to her left hind leg and sliced it several times. Melain neighed in pain. She flew back up again and breathed fire a couple times with it. Five minutes later, Melain came down again and breathed fire towards him. Link rolled out of the way again and shot another Sun Arrow at Melain, which stunned her. He ran around to one of her hind legs again, but tripped half way there, dropping the Master Sword. The sword went flying toward Melain’s left hind leg, stabbing it. Melain neighed loudly in pain as she flew wildly back up in the air, the Master Sword still sticking out of her leg.
“Uh-oh! Navi, now what?!”, Link gasped. Unarmed, he could do nothing but dodge Melain’s flames.
“Just wait. She’ll shake the sword out”, Navi replied. Link nodded and waited as he kept dodging Melain’s flames. Melain was shaking her left leg and neighing loudly in pain as she was flying all over the place. She was also spitting fire at Link once in a while.
A few minutes later, the Master Sword slipped out of Melain’s leg and fell to the floor. Link dashed for it as fast as he could. As Link was running, Melain swooped down. He rolled out of the way as he grabbed the sword, Melain barely missing him. Link whipped out his bow again and fired a Sun Arrow, hitting her. Link ran for her, but Melain was nearly all the way across the room. Before Link could get there, she stood up again and flapped her flaming wings as hard as she could, blowing Link right back across the room.
“AAAHH!! Ah!”, Link screamed as he hit the wall back first and fell to the floor. Link was unconscious. As he was laying there, Darunia, whose cell was just near him, noticed Link was hurt. Navi flew over to him.
“Link! I forgot to tell you, she’ll occasionally do—what the…?”, Navi gasped as she cut herself off. She couldn’t believe what she saw lying next to Link’s right shoulder. It was his hat. Link’s hat had actually fallen off. Even Darunia was surprised. All the time, his hat was on his head and had never fallen off. Now it had and Navi saw what he really looked like for the first time. Of course he was still good-looking, but the style of his blonde hair wasn’t quite what she expected. It was about the length of Mido’s hair and it was a bit messy. Navi always thought his hat would never fall off, but Melain happened to prove her wrong.
Navi was still staring at Link when he regained consciousness. He noticed Navi staring at him.
“Navi, what are you looking at me that way for?”, He asked. “Navi, Navi snap out of it, c’mon!” Then suddenly he felt his head and realized why Navi was staring.
“My hat! That’s it! This unicorn has gone too far!!”, Link yelled and put his hat back on. “Never mess with the hat!!”
“Uh-oh”, Navi mumbled. She doesn’t like seeing what happens when Link loses his temper over his hat. Link fired a Sun Arrow at Melain and she was stunned. Link ran over to her as fast as he could and did a jump attack first, then a Spin Attack, and then went crazy slicing her with the thrust. Once Melain got back up and was about to fly, Link hit her again with a Sun Arrow and she fell to the floor, stunned. When her back was low enough, Link jumped on it and did a jump attack. He then thrusted her back several times until She neighed her loudest neigh. It grew fainter as her head was moving slower. Link jumped off her back as she neighed again and fell to the floor. Her tail and mane flames went out, followed by the flames of her wings and the flames on her horn. The flames around the edges of the platform also went out. Link, still with an angry expression on his face, just stood there.
“That’ll teach you to mess with my hat, you stupid monster!”, Link yelled. He really liked wearing his hat. A long time ago he put a spell on it that made it stick to his head and never fall off. He forgot the spell wears off in a matter of years.
“Link, calm down! “Your hat’s on your head again, for heaven’s sake!”, Navi shot at him.
“Oh okay. I guess there’s no point in being mad anymore”, Link replied. “To tell you the truth, I hate it when I lose my temper over my hat”.
“Heh, so do I”, Navi added.
“Brother! Over here!”, a voice called in the distance. It was Darunia.
“Oh, coming!”, Link replied and ran near Darunia’s cell. It was just about a foot away from the big platform. Link shot the lock with a Light Arrow and Darunia walked out, stepping onto the big platform.
“Thanks brother! I thought I’d never get out”, he said. “It sure is great seeing you again”.
“Yeah, I’m glad to be back. But with Ganondorf returning and all, I’ve got to go around rescuing sages instead of take a break from all of this hero business, which was my plan until I met a girl named Kelli”, Link replied.
“We know Kelli. She helped protect Hyrule while you were gone. We had a lot of little sun and moon monster infestations and she would drive them out like there was no tomorrow”, Darunia added. “And I must warn you Link, Ganondorf has caused more trouble than he did last time and I want you to be careful”. Link nodded.
“Here, brother. Take this diamond as a reward”, Darunia said and handed Link a red diamond that had the fire emblem on it.
“The Fire Diamond”, Link said as the diamond glowed slightly. “Let’s get out of here”. Darunia nodded and they both headed into the blue portal that had appeared earlier.

Well, do you like it? The Link's hat falling off idea, I thought up at the last minute. I think this chapter turned out pretty awesome, don't you think?
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Old 02-12-2006, 08:17 AM   #18
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Okay, here's chapter eight! Enjoy!

Chapter Eight: Out of Carrots

As they landed on top of the cliff where the Great Fairy Fountain was, Link noticed the bridge that he and Darunia had to cross was fixed.
“Now, how did that bridge get fixed?”, Link asked.
“Probably some of the Gorons did it while you were saving me”, Darunia guessed.
“This doesn’t make any sense. When I first came into the crater, both rope bridges were completely out.”, Link stated. “No pieces of the ropes were hanging. So how could the Gorons have fixed it?”
“Oh we have extra rope in case the ropes disappear for some reason, but they must have run out if they only fixed one bridge”, Darunia replied as they climbed down the ladder. They crossed the bridge and headed into Goron City.
Inside, Link noticed all the leftover Big Skulltulas and Fire Keese had vanished and the city was back to normal. The Goron sitting near the doorway of Darunia’s room noticed them.
“Hey everyone! Darunia’s back!”, he hollered. Seconds later, a big group of Gorons came running towards Link and Darunia.
“Darunia, are we ever glad you’re safe!”, some said.
“Thank you, Link! Thank you!”, others said.
“I’m glad to be back too”, Darunia said. Link tried to sneak away from the crowd. Darunia caught him.
“Link, why would you try to leave without saying good bye?”, he asked.
“Oh, good bye!”, Link replied and quickly ran out of Goron City.
Once back on the Death Mountain Trail, he went and told the Goron near the bombflower by the entrance to Goron City that Darunia was back. When he heard the news, the Goron ran inside. Link then made his way back down the trail to where the Dodongo’s Cavern was and told the Goron there. After that, he entered Kakariko Village.
In Kakariko, Link noticed Kelli and the King were helping some wounded villagers from the monster attack. When Link was passing by them, the King noticed him.
“Link! Wait up for a minute!”, he called. Kelli followed him. Link stopped.
“What?”, he asked. Kelli was holding a piece of bloody white cloth in her hand.
“Link, I need to talk to you”, the King replied. “You remember when I said you needed to rescue the six sages right?”
“Yes”.
“I forgot to tell you Kelli is going to help you in the battle with Ganondorf”, the King stated.
“Oh, I kind of got that message when you said I needed the power of the moon and the power of the sun to defeat him”, Link replied.
“No wonder you didn’t ask”, Kelli put in. “You remembered I wield the power of the sun”.
“Yep”, Link added. “Oh and I’ve just freed sage number two by the way”.
“That’s good to hear”, Kelli replied. “You must be quite the swordsman, Link”.
“Oh I am”, Link said. “But I’m not as good as you. I think you’re very good for a girl”.
“Thanks. You’re very good for a seventeen-year-old”, Kelli added.
“How’d you know I’m—oh Zelda tells you everything, doesn’t she?”, Link guessed.
“Hehe, yep”, Kelli replied. “I’m seventeen too”.
“Really? I kinda thought you were my age”.
“Yeah”.
“We’d better get back to the villagers now, Kelli”, the King said.
“Yes we must. Bye Link!”, Kelli replied. She and the King went back to the wounded villagers. Link headed out of Kakariko.
Once back in Hyrule Field, he stood by Epona. He remembered he was still wearing his Goron Tunic so he changed out of it into his Kokiri Tunic.
“I think I’ll feed Epona one of her carrots, now before we—uh-oh! I’m out!”, Link said as he was digging for a carrot.
“Let’s get to Lon Lon Ranch, then”, Navi stated. “Malon’s got carrots”.
“Yeah, I know”, Link replied as he mounted Epona. “Look at the bright side, at least we have a reason to see Malon again”.
“Yeah”, Navi agreed as they headed for the ranch. They crossed the bridge over the river, went past the broken drawbridge, and went down the path that led to Lon Lon Ranch.
In Lon Lon Ranch, it was peaceful and quiet and Malon was humming Epona’s Song as usual. Link trotted Epona over to the little fenced-in field where the horses ran around and dismounted her. Malon, who was near the gate, noticed him and stopped humming.
“Link!”, she cried as she ran toward him and threw him a hug. “You came back! I can’t believe you came back!” Link could feel himself blushing. He always did that when a girl gave him a hug or something like it.
“I-It’s good to see you again too”, Link replied, still blushing. Malon let go of him.
“You’re cute, Link. You know that?”, Malon said and giggled. Link blushed even more. “You’re really cute”.
“P-Please don’t go there, Malon”, Link replied, still red in the cheeks.
“You’re even cute when you blush!”, Malon still giggled.
“Malon, please!”, Link insisted. He couldn’t stop blushing.
“Oh, okay. What is it you need?”, Malon asked.
“Carrots. I’m out and you know how Epona gets when she doesn’t get her carrots”, Link replied.
“Yes, I know. I’ll go get some for you. Wait here”, Malon said and walked off towards the stable. Navi started giggling. Link glared at her.
“You’re still blushing!”, Navi cried.
“S-So?”, he said, reluctantly.
“So, I think you’re afraid she has a crush on you!”, Navi replied, still giggling.
“I…I am not”, Link said, nervously. He kept blushing. In truth, he was a bit scared that Malon might have a crush on him.
“Yes you are! Yes you are!”, Navi sang. “Link’s afraid! Link’s afraid!”
“Now cut that out!”, Link shot back. “Sometimes I think you need to learn to keep your comments to yourself!”
“Hee, hee”, Navi said and stopped. A couple minutes later, Malon returned with a bundle of carrots.
“Here, this should last you awhile”, she said and handed them to Link.
“Okay, thanks”, Link said and mounted Epona.
“Bye, Link”, Malon replied, disappointed to see Link leave so soon.
“Oh, don’t worry, Malon. I’ll visit again. I promise”, Link said. Malon smiled as Link left the ranch.
Once back in Hyrule Field, Link fed a carrot to Epona.
“Our next stop is Zora’s Domain”, Link stated. “Although Ruto could also be at Lake Hylia, I want to check Zora’s Domain first”.
“Good idea”, Navi agreed. Link mounted Epona and headed towards the river.

Well, how was it?
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Old 02-18-2006, 06:55 AM   #19
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Okay, there's gonna be no chapter nine until I get more replies. It would be pointless to continue the story if no one replies. I replied to a couple stories and like Milk Duds said, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I'm wondering if I should even continue the story at all.
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Old 02-21-2006, 12:29 PM   #20
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Well, I liked your story. Expecially when Link loses his hat, thatīs kinda unnatural, and therefore funny. Thereīs only one prob: how could Link cast a spell on his hat if he gains magic after visiting the Death Mountain Fairie?
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Old 02-21-2006, 11:44 PM   #21
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I haven't read all og teh story yet, but I am enjoying reading this. You do put a lot fo effort into your work. Just try to put a bit more detail in...thats the only peice of advice I have. If you do that, it will be much more interesting.
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Old 02-22-2006, 07:32 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lordof theforce
Well, I liked your story. Expecially when Link loses his hat, that´s kinda unnatural, and therefore funny. There´s only one prob: how could Link cast a spell on his hat if he gains magic after visiting the Death Mountain Fairie?

It's different magic. Someone may have given him the spell. And thanks for the replies! I'll get chapter nine done soon!
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Old 02-22-2006, 11:53 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly
Okay, there's gonna be no chapter nine until I get more replies. It would be pointless to continue the story if no one replies. I replied to a couple stories and like Milk Duds said, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I'm wondering if I should even continue the story at all.
Write for the pleasure of writing, not so people can be nice to you and say your story is good. I've read the first two chapters, and honestly I am unimpressed. You need to rewrite this. Yes, it needs revision badly. You can make something out of this, but you need a lot less diolauge. This story seriously lacks narration. I know nothing of the charachters, and frankly I do not want to. I'm not saying you can't make something out of this, but as of now, you need to learn that diolauge isn't that important. And the ammout of diolauge you have is not neccessary.

Another thing. Stop being so God Damn Arrogant. The third posts reeks of it. Don't expect what you write to be good. We're still young, and before we can write anything worthy of respect we need to grow in our skills as an author. Don't expect anything you write to be good. Your bias is horrible, and annoying.

This story is also extremely cliche, but it is a fan fic; that's expected.
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Old 02-22-2006, 12:01 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve The Queen
Write for the pleasure of writing, not so people can be nice to you and say your story is good. I've read the first two chapters, and honestly I am unimpressed. You need to rewrite this. Yes, it needs revision badly. You can make something out of this, but you need a lot less diolauge. This story seriously lacks narration. I know nothing of the charachters, and frankly I do not want to. I'm not saying you can't make something out of this, but as of now, you need to learn that diolauge isn't that important. And the ammout of diolauge you have is not neccessary.

Another thing. Stop being so God Damn Arrogant. The third posts reeks of it. Don't expect what you write to be good. We're still young, and before we can write anything worthy of respect we need to grow in our skills as an author. Don't expect anything you write to be good. Your bias is horrible, and annoying.

This story is also extremely cliche, but it is a fan fic; that's expected.

I'm not rewriting it. And that's final. It's already good, so why rewrite it? You know nothing about the characters? You need to read it again. I stated stuff about characters. Like in chapter two I stated something about Kelli. My story is good and not horrible. Otherwise, people who replied wouldn't have liked it. The amount of dialogue is the right amount for a normal story too. To me, dialogue is very important. Sometimes the dialogue itself is the action of parts of the story. Just give my story a chance. Reading two chapters isn't knowing the story well.
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Old 02-22-2006, 12:13 PM   #25
andi
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Umm... because even good authors know that you need to edit your stories. F. Scott Fitzgerald had to edit "This Side of Paradise" at least five times before it was published. His earlier drafts would not have succeeded nearly as well as the final version.

And I agree with pretty much everything Steve says. Though would have put it a bit more tactfully than him. : o

Seriously, you've got dialogue done well. Why would you spend so much time working on something that you, relatively, know how to do perfectly well? You can never be a good author if you don't know how to write every part of a story well. ^^ Challenge yourself and you'll improve tenfold.
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Old 02-23-2006, 09:03 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by andi
Umm... because even good authors know that you need to edit your stories. F. Scott Fitzgerald had to edit "This Side of Paradise" at least five times before it was published. His earlier drafts would not have succeeded nearly as well as the final version.

And I agree with pretty much everything Steve says. Though would have put it a bit more tactfully than him. : o

Seriously, you've got dialogue done well. Why would you spend so much time working on something that you, relatively, know how to do perfectly well? You can never be a good author if you don't know how to write every part of a story well. ^^ Challenge yourself and you'll improve tenfold.

Andi, look. I'm gonna put more detail in it and that's all I'm gonna do to improve it. No more after that. If you still don't like it afterward, oh well. I'm doing what I can and if I put too much detail in, the story is gonna get boring. I don't want that to happen. And for all of you NP (Newfound Powers) lovers out there, just hold your horses, I'll get chapter nine done as soon as possible.
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:02 PM   #27
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a good story, really well written. its kool how you incorperated dungeons into the story. I accually got a summary of the events between MM and TWW here, check it out
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Old 02-24-2006, 08:28 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by darkhero990
a good story, really well written. its kool how you incorperated dungeons into the story. I accually got a summary of the events between MM and TWW here, check it out
Don't advertise in other people's threads. Now, to the story.

I know you made this to resemble an actual Zelda game. That's obvious. But those are not exactly story-heavy. Now, it's decent, but as Steve so tactlessly pointed out, it needs work. And yes, write for the sake of writing, not to hear praise. You say you shall improve on detail, yet there is no improvement. Go read some stories floating around that get some positive reviews, and then you'll understand.

And yes, I am Milk Duds. Sorry for turning my opinion slightly.
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Old 02-25-2006, 12:45 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Racer Z4
Don't advertise in other people's threads. Now, to the story.

I know you made this to resemble an actual Zelda game. That's obvious. But those are not exactly story-heavy. Now, it's decent, but as Steve so tactlessly pointed out, it needs work. And yes, write for the sake of writing, not to hear praise. You say you shall improve on detail, yet there is no improvement. Go read some stories floating around that get some positive reviews, and then you'll understand.

And yes, I am Milk Duds. Sorry for turning my opinion slightly.

Actually, I have read other stories on ZU and they seem to have just as much detail as mine, though I am improving on detail. And I never said I didn't write for the pleasure of writing. I meant if no one continues to read the story, it would be pointless to finish it. And how am I supposed to know if people are reading the story? They reply. Now at the beginning, I only had one reply and I put in five chapters just for the pleasure of it. After that, I got one more reply and then put in two more chapters. So I do write for the pleasure of writing, but not if people aren't going to read the story. That's what stories are for. Reading. And besides, if you say my story needs work now, just wait. There's still good stuff to come.
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Old 02-25-2006, 05:32 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly
And besides, if you say my story needs work now, just wait. There's still good stuff to come.
A bad beginning with a good ending is a bad story. I still stick by what I say when I said it needs revision. Just because you think it is amazing I think it needs depth, and emotion.
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